Preserving Text Jokes

What a surprise. Just when I thought I'd have to sing or dance for being late, the morning session was cancelled. Thank God! I didn't care that I had to run to the canteen in the middle of the campus to buy a burger so I can have change for tricycle fare just to discover that the vehicle had already left when I returned to the gate. Maybe he misunderstood me by thinking that I was suggesting not to pay him at all because for him I seemed to be rushing because I was late. Whatever...

So finally I am taking advantage of the surprise free time for blogging the text jokes that I just cannot delete from the very limited digital storage and, eventually, from my mind. Thanks to the senders.

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3 mayayabang na daga:

DAGA1: Kakain ako ng keso sa mouse trap!

DAGA2: Kakain ako ng kesong may rat killer!

DAGA3: Manood kayo...

Mangre-rape ako ng PUSA!

*******
Sender: Grace
15-May-2006

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BABOY: Hirap ng buhay natin, nuh?

MANOK: OO nga! Lagi tayong nalelechon.
Buti pa 'tong unggoy,
pabasa-basa lang ng TXT!
Tumawa pa!!

*******
Sender: Grace
16-May-2006

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JOKE OF D DAY

LOLA: Alam mo honey, 'pag katabi kita at
nag-aalmusal tayo, nag-iinit pa rin ako

LOLO: Paanong di ka mag-iinit eh nakalaylay
'yang SUSO mo sa kape!

*******
Sender: Grace
16-May-2006

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I care for you so much
that if there was only 1 slice of
chocolate cake left in the world..

I'd save you from the fats &
calories & just eat it all by myself..

Sweet ko noh?!..:)

*******
Sender: Grace
24-Mar-2006

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Minsan 'pag may problema ka, walang nakikialam
pag masaya, walang pumapansin
pag malungkot, walang nakakakita

Pero try mo umutot,
Lahat titingin sa iyo
TITITIGAN KA PA!

*******
Sender: Grace
5-May-2006

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Musta dyan? Dito bad news kasi may nakitang
putol ma kamay, lapit lang sa house namin,
hindi pa makuha hanggang ngayon,
wala kasing makalapit-lapit dahil


nananampal!...

*******
Sender: Grace
30-Mar-2006

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TEACHER: Give me colors that begin w/ letter M

PUPIL: Maroon!

TEACHER: Anybody else?

NGONGO: Mlue, Mlawn, Mlak, Mink, Maiolet!

TEACHER: Wow! Mely good!

*******
Sender: Grace
3-Apr-2006

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Kung ikaw ang nasa
sitwasyon na ito..
kanino ka mas higit
na hahanga?

Sa taong iniwan ang lahat
para sa minamahal niya..

o..


sa asong lumilipad?:)

*******
Sender: Grace
9-May-2006

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Farmer ordered a MILKING MACHINE. Tried it
on his penis & had a wonderful orgasm but
can't remove it. He read the manual and
fainted. "AUTO-RELEASE AFTER 10 Liters" :O

*******
Sender: Grace
19-Apr-2006

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LAWYER: Please describe the rapist

GIRL: Pandak, negro, bungi, balbon,
manada kebak, jutay pututuy..

SUSPECT: OO ya, guilty ya yo! Ta tenta
pa gayod bos! Peste!

*******
Sender: Grace
24-Apr-2006

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Newly Born Chinese Names

Born Secretly: TINA GO
Born Swindled: LINO CO
Born w/out Light: ANDY LIM
Born Fat: BOB UY
Born Different: EVA YAN
Born Monkey: EDDIE YU!:)

*******
Sender: Grace
8-May-2006

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Doctor: You look terribly weak and exhausted!
Are you having your meals 3X a day as I advised?

Lady: My gosshh! Doc, I thought you said 3 males a day!!


*******
Sender: Grace
8-May-2006

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In our life there will come a time
and where we will hate it 'coz of
the things that hurt us but we should
never give the blame to our lives 'coz whatever
Leche hirap mag-english ah!
G'night na nga lang!:)

*******
Sender: Bernie
11-Dec-2005

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If you see your BF/GF flirting with someone
Lapitan mo siya
Hilain at pagpagin mo damit niya
Sabay sabi: "Ano ba naman
Malaki ka na naglalaro ka pa rin ng basura?
You know na nga na DIRTY yan!"

*******
Sender: Bernie
14-Jan-2006

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Ang KAIBIGAN karamay mo kahit saan
katagay mo sa inuman
katulong mo sa problema
higit sa lahat
kahati mo sa pagkain

Kya pag may 1 na lang natitirang DONUT
sa mundo

HATING KAIBIGAN

iyo GITNA, gilid sa 'kin.

*******
Sender: Joval
25-Oct-2005

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A fat farmer was in the CR trying to flush his dump
when suddenly the toilet bowl broke and burst,
the dump flooded into the wheat fields

then 'POOF!'

It became KOKO KRUNCH! eww..!:)

*******
Sender: Joval
30-Dec-2005

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Matagal ko nang iniisip ito.. Help naman.. Pakisagot nga..

1. Does Jennifer Love Hewitt?
2. Where did Vincent Van Gogh?
3. Is Marvin Gaye?
4. Why is Norman Black?
5. Where did Sandara Park?
6. Is Chow Yun Fat?
7. What did Henry Sy?
8. Why is Alonzo Mourning?
9. Is Lucio Tan?
10. When will Orlando Bloom?

*******
Sender: Kayeh
24-Nov-2005

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Please pray for me because I just received my medical results.
Ang sakit ko habang tumatanda gumaganda ako,
but don't worry hindi naman 'to nakakahawa pero 'di na 'ko
GAGALING...

*******
Sender: Kayeh
5-Feb-2006

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In biology exam, the teacher asks the class to draw a female
reproductive organ. One girl feels shy and looks down...
then a boy shouts:
"Maam! She's CHEATINGGG!"

*******
Sender: Jame
15-Sept-2005

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Each of us is like a butterfly with one wing

The only way we can fly is to hold
each other and share wings.

So if you have no wings at all,


caterpillar ka pa lang..:)

*******
Sender: Sheng R.
7-Dec-2005

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JUDGE: Hinawakan mo ba ang boobs ng babaeng ito?

JUAN (Ngongo): Hini po, hini po your honor.

JUDGE: Tarantado, hinawakan o hinipo pareho lang iyon! GUILTY!

*******
I stole this message from my Dad's phone.

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Chaka Niya

At last! I have acquired the full lyrics of my favorite gag song by watching and listening thoughout its music video I've found in YouTube. Where did they get this video? I'd love to have one of my own but videos cannot be downloaded from the website. But at least I can watch it.

The lyrics are more hilarious than I thought. Before, I only knew the chorus. Now I know the rest, and they're funnier.




Chaka Niya
by Ghurang Guneta

Nagulat ako nung unang makita ka
Kakatakot ka, gurang
At ngayo'y napipilas pa
Ang balat sa pisngi
Na binubuni, o ako'y nangati

Kailangan bang sabihin
Lumayo ka na sa akin
Dahil pag sinaksak kita
Magdurugo ka rin

Chaka niyang bading, kakainis
Mukha'y nanggagalit
Chaka niyang bading, kakahiya
Ulong naging nguso
Kung buhay man ang mga papa
Wala ring magtatagal
Ang nagmamahal tumatalon sa tulay dahil
Chaka niya

At sa hatinggabi ay nangingisay na lang
Pag minamasdan ang larawan mo
Pag siya'y humalik sa laki ng nguso niya
Hihikain ka sa buong magdamag

At ang laging sasabihin
Lumayo ka nga sa akin
Pag hataw ko ng tubong ito
Mangingisay ka rin

Chaka niyang bading, kakainis
Mukha'y nanggagalit
Chaka niyang bading, kakahiya
Ulong naging nguso
Kung buhay man ang mga papa
Wala ring magtatagal
Ang nagmamahal tumatalon sa tulay dahil
Chaka niya

(Ha ha ha ha a a...)

Chaka niyang bading, kakainis
Mukha'y nanggagalit
Chaka niyang bading, kakahiya
Ulong naging nguso
Kung buhay man ang mga papa
Wala ring magtatagal
Ang nagmamahal tumatalon sa tulay dahil
Ang nagmamahal tumatalon sa tulay dahil
Chaka niya