Preserving Text Jokes

What a surprise. Just when I thought I'd have to sing or dance for being late, the morning session was cancelled. Thank God! I didn't care that I had to run to the canteen in the middle of the campus to buy a burger so I can have change for tricycle fare just to discover that the vehicle had already left when I returned to the gate. Maybe he misunderstood me by thinking that I was suggesting not to pay him at all because for him I seemed to be rushing because I was late. Whatever...

So finally I am taking advantage of the surprise free time for blogging the text jokes that I just cannot delete from the very limited digital storage and, eventually, from my mind. Thanks to the senders.

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3 mayayabang na daga:

DAGA1: Kakain ako ng keso sa mouse trap!

DAGA2: Kakain ako ng kesong may rat killer!

DAGA3: Manood kayo...

Mangre-rape ako ng PUSA!

*******
Sender: Grace
15-May-2006

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BABOY: Hirap ng buhay natin, nuh?

MANOK: OO nga! Lagi tayong nalelechon.
Buti pa 'tong unggoy,
pabasa-basa lang ng TXT!
Tumawa pa!!

*******
Sender: Grace
16-May-2006

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JOKE OF D DAY

LOLA: Alam mo honey, 'pag katabi kita at
nag-aalmusal tayo, nag-iinit pa rin ako

LOLO: Paanong di ka mag-iinit eh nakalaylay
'yang SUSO mo sa kape!

*******
Sender: Grace
16-May-2006

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I care for you so much
that if there was only 1 slice of
chocolate cake left in the world..

I'd save you from the fats &
calories & just eat it all by myself..

Sweet ko noh?!..:)

*******
Sender: Grace
24-Mar-2006

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Minsan 'pag may problema ka, walang nakikialam
pag masaya, walang pumapansin
pag malungkot, walang nakakakita

Pero try mo umutot,
Lahat titingin sa iyo
TITITIGAN KA PA!

*******
Sender: Grace
5-May-2006

------------------------
Musta dyan? Dito bad news kasi may nakitang
putol ma kamay, lapit lang sa house namin,
hindi pa makuha hanggang ngayon,
wala kasing makalapit-lapit dahil


nananampal!...

*******
Sender: Grace
30-Mar-2006

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TEACHER: Give me colors that begin w/ letter M

PUPIL: Maroon!

TEACHER: Anybody else?

NGONGO: Mlue, Mlawn, Mlak, Mink, Maiolet!

TEACHER: Wow! Mely good!

*******
Sender: Grace
3-Apr-2006

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Kung ikaw ang nasa
sitwasyon na ito..
kanino ka mas higit
na hahanga?

Sa taong iniwan ang lahat
para sa minamahal niya..

o..


sa asong lumilipad?:)

*******
Sender: Grace
9-May-2006

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Farmer ordered a MILKING MACHINE. Tried it
on his penis & had a wonderful orgasm but
can't remove it. He read the manual and
fainted. "AUTO-RELEASE AFTER 10 Liters" :O

*******
Sender: Grace
19-Apr-2006

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LAWYER: Please describe the rapist

GIRL: Pandak, negro, bungi, balbon,
manada kebak, jutay pututuy..

SUSPECT: OO ya, guilty ya yo! Ta tenta
pa gayod bos! Peste!

*******
Sender: Grace
24-Apr-2006

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Newly Born Chinese Names

Born Secretly: TINA GO
Born Swindled: LINO CO
Born w/out Light: ANDY LIM
Born Fat: BOB UY
Born Different: EVA YAN
Born Monkey: EDDIE YU!:)

*******
Sender: Grace
8-May-2006

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Doctor: You look terribly weak and exhausted!
Are you having your meals 3X a day as I advised?

Lady: My gosshh! Doc, I thought you said 3 males a day!!


*******
Sender: Grace
8-May-2006

------------------------
In our life there will come a time
and where we will hate it 'coz of
the things that hurt us but we should
never give the blame to our lives 'coz whatever
Leche hirap mag-english ah!
G'night na nga lang!:)

*******
Sender: Bernie
11-Dec-2005

------------------------
If you see your BF/GF flirting with someone
Lapitan mo siya
Hilain at pagpagin mo damit niya
Sabay sabi: "Ano ba naman
Malaki ka na naglalaro ka pa rin ng basura?
You know na nga na DIRTY yan!"

*******
Sender: Bernie
14-Jan-2006

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Ang KAIBIGAN karamay mo kahit saan
katagay mo sa inuman
katulong mo sa problema
higit sa lahat
kahati mo sa pagkain

Kya pag may 1 na lang natitirang DONUT
sa mundo

HATING KAIBIGAN

iyo GITNA, gilid sa 'kin.

*******
Sender: Joval
25-Oct-2005

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A fat farmer was in the CR trying to flush his dump
when suddenly the toilet bowl broke and burst,
the dump flooded into the wheat fields

then 'POOF!'

It became KOKO KRUNCH! eww..!:)

*******
Sender: Joval
30-Dec-2005

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Matagal ko nang iniisip ito.. Help naman.. Pakisagot nga..

1. Does Jennifer Love Hewitt?
2. Where did Vincent Van Gogh?
3. Is Marvin Gaye?
4. Why is Norman Black?
5. Where did Sandara Park?
6. Is Chow Yun Fat?
7. What did Henry Sy?
8. Why is Alonzo Mourning?
9. Is Lucio Tan?
10. When will Orlando Bloom?

*******
Sender: Kayeh
24-Nov-2005

------------------------
Please pray for me because I just received my medical results.
Ang sakit ko habang tumatanda gumaganda ako,
but don't worry hindi naman 'to nakakahawa pero 'di na 'ko
GAGALING...

*******
Sender: Kayeh
5-Feb-2006

------------------------
In biology exam, the teacher asks the class to draw a female
reproductive organ. One girl feels shy and looks down...
then a boy shouts:
"Maam! She's CHEATINGGG!"

*******
Sender: Jame
15-Sept-2005

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Each of us is like a butterfly with one wing

The only way we can fly is to hold
each other and share wings.

So if you have no wings at all,


caterpillar ka pa lang..:)

*******
Sender: Sheng R.
7-Dec-2005

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JUDGE: Hinawakan mo ba ang boobs ng babaeng ito?

JUAN (Ngongo): Hini po, hini po your honor.

JUDGE: Tarantado, hinawakan o hinipo pareho lang iyon! GUILTY!

*******
I stole this message from my Dad's phone.

------------------------

Chaka Niya

At last! I have acquired the full lyrics of my favorite gag song by watching and listening thoughout its music video I've found in YouTube. Where did they get this video? I'd love to have one of my own but videos cannot be downloaded from the website. But at least I can watch it.

The lyrics are more hilarious than I thought. Before, I only knew the chorus. Now I know the rest, and they're funnier.




Chaka Niya
by Ghurang Guneta

Nagulat ako nung unang makita ka
Kakatakot ka, gurang
At ngayo'y napipilas pa
Ang balat sa pisngi
Na binubuni, o ako'y nangati

Kailangan bang sabihin
Lumayo ka na sa akin
Dahil pag sinaksak kita
Magdurugo ka rin

Chaka niyang bading, kakainis
Mukha'y nanggagalit
Chaka niyang bading, kakahiya
Ulong naging nguso
Kung buhay man ang mga papa
Wala ring magtatagal
Ang nagmamahal tumatalon sa tulay dahil
Chaka niya

At sa hatinggabi ay nangingisay na lang
Pag minamasdan ang larawan mo
Pag siya'y humalik sa laki ng nguso niya
Hihikain ka sa buong magdamag

At ang laging sasabihin
Lumayo ka nga sa akin
Pag hataw ko ng tubong ito
Mangingisay ka rin

Chaka niyang bading, kakainis
Mukha'y nanggagalit
Chaka niyang bading, kakahiya
Ulong naging nguso
Kung buhay man ang mga papa
Wala ring magtatagal
Ang nagmamahal tumatalon sa tulay dahil
Chaka niya

(Ha ha ha ha a a...)

Chaka niyang bading, kakainis
Mukha'y nanggagalit
Chaka niyang bading, kakahiya
Ulong naging nguso
Kung buhay man ang mga papa
Wala ring magtatagal
Ang nagmamahal tumatalon sa tulay dahil
Ang nagmamahal tumatalon sa tulay dahil
Chaka niya

Sa Likod ng mga Tala ni Darna

Ooops I did it again. Been dead for a while again. I just cannot think of anything worth posting these past few days. I just had to wait for the first week of Summer IT training to finish so I can talk about something. And here it goes...

At last, after being stagnant from practical programming for three years, my mind was enriched with MySQL integrated in PHP. Finally! Something worth including in the resume. I now know how forums work. We were actually tasked to make our own forums as exercises. It was daunting, but satisfying at the end. There are a few bugs and other imperfections, but we'll learn.

Next week, it's going to be Java. And I really think we shouldn't miss it. However, just a while ago, five of us discovered that we might miss it. We, the five, were chosen to be exposed to the local but real IT industry - the only IT industry in ZC, which is OMED. Our "training" was scheduled up to the two weeks when Jave training will also take place. Are they kidding us?! We can't sacrifice the chance of quenching our thirst for Java for this "training" - a "training" where we will be "trained" to TEST a system that we didn't even create!! What an insult! The school sent the top five CS 312 students to the company just to do the menial job of FUNCTIONAL TESTING?! I... don't want to say anything about this. I confessed this to the moderator just a minute ago and she said it's fine. At least we get the chance to experience the real thing and say, "Ah! Ganito pala ang nangyayari dito..." Maybe I'm prejudging too much. We'll have to see tomorrow.

In the meantime, OMED is trying to fix the schedule so it will not conflict with the Java training. Well they should!

So here is something that is actually related to the post title.



Narda by Kamikazee... When this first came out, I really didn't care about this. But my younger brother always sang it. So I noticed it. It became more interesting when I received this text message joke one night from a friend:

Napakahalay naman ng mga awitin sa kasalukuyang panahon.. Tulad ng Narda ng Kamikazee: "s likd ng mga tala kht sulyap lng darna"

e db may star sa bra ni Darna?

I did not realize that until that night. I thought that the "tala" in the song refers to real stars. But it may mean they wanted to see what is, or rather ARE, behind Darna's stars. Napakahalay nga!

Hmmmm... What if may tala rin sa panty niya...

Two Decades of Living and Learning

It was my 20th birthday just yesterday. And 20 makes me shudder.

Twenty. That sounds so OLD.

Twenty... Twenty...

I don't feel twenty at all. I thought twenty is supposed to be mature and stable. But I don't feel quite like that. However, I've met others who are over twenty but feel that they are younger. Perhaps a high level of maturity at twenty is a myth. *taking a deep breath* Relax...

So yesterday, aside from the usual SMS greetings from friends, we finally purchased another printer. The money spent for it came from the P10,000 that is supposed to be for the "strictly optional" IT educational tour. I've decided to opt out of the tour a few days ago because I thought I might feel bitin with only five or six of us roaming around in Cebu.

But, just yesterday too, I've received news that the tour was finally cancelled. Before, there were only around a meagre seven who proposed to join the tour, including myself. Now I and two or three more confirmed that we are not coming. That would leave only around four students joining the tour! So I think the tour moderator, foreseeing that she will not enjoy a small crowd, has decided to cancel the tour altogether.

I feel that the new parent's consent letter has something to do with this. It seemed to be designed to discourage the parents from allowing their kids to join the tour by exposing the tour's insignificance. And guess who revised it? Moi!

It goes:

Dear Parents,

Greetings!

The students of the Ateneo Informatics and Computing Guild, an umbrella organization under the Computer Science Department, will allow a strictly optional educational tour on May 22, 2006. This activity gives the opportunity for students of CS, MIS and IT courses to be exposed in the actual fields of Information Technology. The tour will be conducted in Cebu, where selected IT companies will be visited.

However, we would like to inform you that this educational tour will not be credited as part of the activity comprising the student’s senior’s project. Hence, it is strictly optional and will not influence the students’ grades. The school, therefore, shall not shoulder the necessary expenses of the students. Solicitation letters will not be provided and will not be recognized by the CS Department. In addition, a moderator from the CS Department will be willing to join the tour given that the students who are confirmed to join the tour will reach a significant number.

The official and, thus, required activity for the senior’s project is a month-long training on currently in-demand programming languages this coming April. Whether the students will prefer or refuse to join the tour, they will still be expected to attend the training. The educational tour serves as an additional benefit where students may be able to grasp the realities happening within a competitive computer company.

Attached herewith is the itinerary and breakdown cost of the tour.

Thank you very much.

The words in blue gives a positive impression of the tour. The words in red, on the other hand, attack it. And they obviously outnumber the blue!

I was just telling the truth. The moderator advised that the tour should not seem to be required and graded so that the parents would not feel obliged to dish out P7500 and some more for pocket money just for the "strictly optional" tour. So what I did was to put as many details as possible telling how the educational tour is NOT mandatory.

Now look at it! The tour plan fell apart. And it's sad because some have been really looking forward to it.

But I shouldn't feel guilty about causing this. This is just a speculation. And even if the new parent's consent was majorly responsible, I did not intend the "end" and "consequence" of my "voluntary human act" to be this. Hah! Words from my Philo of Ethics class, which just ended last month.

Speaking of which, several of those who chose to take the Philo final exam on the conflict schedule were not lucky enough to be properly informed that the last exam hour was moved much earlier. They have been contacting the Philo teacher, and an Ethics teacher at that, to spare them with another exam schedule. In class, he taught that forgiveness is a beautiful moral thing and that life is good because we get a second chance. But in this case, he seems to be oblivious of the students' plea.

Who's unethical now?

*sigh* The ironies of life...

FoxPro Agony

We just finished defending our database application project yesterday morning. It's a good thing that our CS 312 teacher extended the deadline because the RC Marketing Database System is relatively complex. We have been excruciatingly hoping for the friggin' FoxPro to cooperate with what we want it to do. We have been revising codes and layout several times that we cannot even keep track of a numbering system to label the versions of the application.

The ADD ORDER form, in particular, is madness! Error messages came out from everywhere! I have been making excuses like "It'll only work in our computers," and "FoxPro is stupid!" I cannot have the mood to enjoy recounting the chronicles of our attempts to bend FoxPro to our will, except the climax.

On the eve of our defense, the "File must be opened exclusively" devil came back like a nightmare coming true. We were frantically trying out solutions like browsing tables, modifying the data environment, and running the form several times. It was working in our home PC's. Why not in the office computer?! I remember myself stupidly reasoning out, "Baka ayaw n'ya sa computer dito sa office, sa bahay lang..." We were so desperate.

Then we realized that our home computers have something that the computer in front of us didn't have. Administrator account privileges! So we restarted the PC, typed in 'administrator' in the user box, opened the FoxPro project file, pressed the 'Run' button, tested the ADD ORDER form, then here I am typing a post about how finally defending this despicable application is a breath of fresh air!

After all that, our group buried FoxPro several feet below the earth and vowed never to dig it out.

May it never rise to haunt us again...

Nature's Appreciation Part 2 (after centuries!)

I thought I posted the "Nature's Appreciation Part 1" here in Blogger. But I discovered that it has been rotting in my dusty Friendster blog. Oh, poor blog: My Friendster Blog: Nature's Appreciation

So right now, I'm pulling this experience out of the sea of oblivion. Let's pick up from where I stopped in my post (seven months ago!).

So when we arrived at the very remote, very far-flung Tolosa, each of us were assigned a "buddy" that we have to keep an eye on. Before heading off to a rumored oasis in the middle of the dense forest-mountain, we took a break in a local sari-sari store (there's a store in the mountain?!) to buy junk food and, for some girls, to use the comfort room.

And afterwards, the journey started. It was so long and exhausting that I can't narrate it in detail. But I remember fondly our complaints during the search for the hopefully existing oasis:

(1) it just rained the day before so the land was kinda muddy;
(2) since we were on the mountains, we were practically nearer to the sun and tree shades near our path were very rare, which is very ironic because we were in a semi-virgin jungle;
(3) some parts of the path were adjacent to cliffs that were almost vertically steep! I thought that in case I would fall, at least I could hang on to the small, weak tree (or bush) growing out of the side of the cliff;
(4) speaking of steep, we also had to pass through steep paths (of course because we were in the mountains), which led to several slips and stumbles, usually by the girls, including our moderator;
(5) and finally, the worst part is when we had to have our shoes soaked in river-water, which I didn't really enjoy because I hate getting wet when I'm NOT supposed to be wet. At first I thought we only had to CROSS the shallow river. But then soon, we had to pass THROUGH the river! No bridges! I did not anticipate this so I had to endure my squeaking rubber shoes when walking on land. Plus, we were walking against the flow of water since this alleged paradise was upstream.

After all of that, I thought it was all worth it because at least I finally had a rare hiking experience and the oasis was real after all. There were small pools. One of them had a small but strong waterfall and its water could reach up to my neck. Later, our local "tour guide" climed up the coconut trees to bring down coconuts. It was funny watching him crack open the coconuts with a bolo because it reminded me of "Manang Merin and the Top," one of my favorite stories in our Literature class.

Afterwards, our moderator gathered us to give us a spiritual talk about the experience. She said that this was part of the ACIL activities to let us see unadulterated nature that reminds us of God's power and existence. She discussed a lot of other things about journeys. The most striking for me was about going through a journey you're afraid of. She told us about her experience of a sort of vocation for the nunnery. She was afraid of the idea of being a nun and had decided that such life isn't for her. But she explained that undergoing the vocation is not a journey straight to the convent, but a journey of discovering if there is or isn't a calling for her.

That actually made it easy for me to accept the invitation for a Jesuit vocation seminar two months ago. That journey is not a one-way ticket to priesthood. The seminary isn't all about preparation for ordination. It's more of the process of knowing the vocation that God called you to.

You see, we, the Catholics, believe that each of us is destined to one of the three life vocations: matrimony, singlehood, and priesthood. We do NOT CHOOSE; we are CALLED by God to one of them. However, it does not imply the denial of freedom. One can still prefer to resist the calling. But in the Jesuit vocation, a speaker mentioned that you are happier when you walk on the path that God has chosen for you. That's why, the speaker added, some people feel that something is missing in their lives as laymen. And these are the kind of men that the seminary usually encounter.

As for me, I don't think I feel something empty in my life. I admitted, in a group discussion during the seminar, that priesthood is a POSSIBILITY for me and I don't completely close my door to it. But above it, I have many more priorities. And the topmost is career. But... hmmm... I just realized that up to this point, my career plans are still vague. Well at least it's gonna be related to computer science.

But this field is very broad. In the Database subset alone, one may be a database manager, or data or database administrator, or data analyst, or database consultant, etc. I think in Systems Analysis, there's the same number of available jobs with Database. Just replace "database" with "systems," like systems analyst or systems administrator. It'd be okay too if I work in the technical side, like a programmer. But programming is also vague. I have to ask in what field would I specifically spend time programming software. Gaming? Business? Medicine? Government? Shit! More decisions!

Wait... Perhaps this ambiguity in career is a sign of God's calling to a stable and definite life in priesthood...

*ROTFL*

So it's true...

The Ubuntu CDs I have requested from shipit.ubuntu.com have arrived just yesterday. Wow, I cannot believe that they would actually give out free CDs for distribution. I thought there are no free stuff these days. 10 pairs for PC, four for Mac, and eight for 64-bit computers - all free. But my father had to pay P35 for the delivery or something. But then the package itself is free! It's a disappointed though because it was the same 5.10 version as the one already installed here. I expected a new version. *sigh* So much for free stuff. I guess I'd better give them away to "spread humanity to others."

Classes are over... Practicum doom is starting!

I just recently realized that for the next two months, I will never return to the classrooms for anything except exams. Classes are over. Why isn't there an exclamation point after that sentence? Hmmm. What's wrong with me? I should be in a festive mood. Perhaps it's because I feel that I am going to have a hell of a schoolyear ahead. And the warning came just last Friday, during a reserch presentation.

So five groups presented their IT projects: (1) a software to create a movable 3D image of covalent bonding of molecules based on the user's formula; (2) one-player computer game version of the "Game of the Generals" with a "simple" artificial intelligence as opponent (which I'm not really impressed by); (3) a system, named ADZU SMS, that sends students their midterm and final grades to the privacy of their personal cellphones and away from the embarassment of friends, family, etc.; (4) text-to-voice software: cellphone program to vocally dictate text messages to the recipient when he needs it, for example, while driving; and (5) Chi-Ki-Cha mobile game that can be played by two to four players using their cellphones through bluetooth.

Some of the groups were attacked with intimidating questions, leaving some of them stuttering their replies, which eventually led to the practicum moderator defending the projects herself. But if I were the researchers, I'd be hostile in answering their questions. Like there was this one guy who mocked the text-to-voice software as "low-quality" because the voice was robotic, and added that there are "current" cellphone technology that offer better-quality voices. But actually, he was talking about voice messages, and sending them are expensive. Like duh! This country is eternally under economic crisis. Sending a text message is much much cheaper, and the phone itself converts it to voice. If I was one of the group members, I will come up to the mic and say, "Before I answer your questions, stupid BITCH, why don't you return to your doghouse and suck your eight tits while you listen to my replies?" That would have felt so good. But of course I'm gonna do that only in my fantasies!

You see! I'm nervous because we're next! What if our project at the end of the schoolyear would not be successful? At least now we are pressured to come up with something as excellent as possible. But what project? The practicum moderator has actually approached me and suggested a project about determining the type of a cut wood. Her father was able to catch illegal loggers and used cut wood as evidence. The type of wood needs to be determined for the case. However, it was difficult to verify the wood type since the bark and other characteristics of the wood were cut off. The only way to verify the type is to burn the wood because the smoke can tell the wood type. However, the evidence would have to be consumed in flames. Therefore, a software may eliminate the need to burn the wood by capturing and creating a 3D image of the wood and determining its type by the intricacies of its physical form. I currently have no idea how to create such software. I can say that it is similar with the technology that validates thumbprints, but I also have no knowledge of it. Therefore I have to study new concepts, from the uniqueness of each type of wood to 3D imaging.

This project is environmental, and thus a benefit. But I somehow feel that it lacks something in the sense of achievement. Perhaps I think that it is too limited to the environmental sector. But protecting the environment protects everyone, I guess. But if I accept this, I might feel that this is something imposed on me and on whoever my groupmates would be. But (this is the third consecutive 'but') I cannot think of any other project. Game? Too common. Database? Too boring. Software? Too broad. No time to narrow down further. ::sigh::

Decisions, decisions, decisions...