My High School Self

Since it was sem break and there was nothing to do at home, *yawn*, I attempted to re-organize my high school junk in my cabinet. Aside from the shoe boxes with knick knacks from those years, the four envelopes, each containing 'memorabilia' from each year level, were torn. Now I don't understand why I kept those and why I thought that they were sentimental. I wanted to throw away some, especially the binder fillers with lecture notes, but then I had to organize what I should throw and what I shouldn't. They were all over the floor, which easily made me impatient.

After some gruelling minutes, I finally dusted off the cabinet and neatly piled in the same envelopes and boxes. Then there was this fifth envelope that gave me a what-the-hell-is-this expression on my face. There were rat bites on the edges. I wondered why the pest didn't eat the whole thing - or everything made of paper in the cabinet. I discovered it contained the despedida letters from my high school classmates.

You see, before the high school graduation, our moderator asked us to write each of our classmates a letter where we can write what we want or have to say. After reading them all over again, I realized in this envelope are the definitions of my character in high school. And I must say they are not consistent. Some said I was rude, short-tempered and unforgiving. These people asked me to be mabait, to cool down, and to be nicer. Some said I was actually mabait, silent, creative, etc. and wished that I would not change! It just proves I treat people differently. Some said sorry because they annoyed me. Some said sorry because they just think they annoyed me. Some just said sorry without saying why they are. Some were stranger messages. Some were hollow messages fashioned after age-old templates, like "God bless" and "I wish you a better future life!" Some were obviously exagerrated letters which I found hilarious. But the ones I appreciate the most, but not necesarrily the best, are the honest messages. Some were very short and straight to the point. But at least they were true in their words.

The best messages for me were those that reminds us how we had fun high school days. Only very few, who were mostly my close friends, wrote jokes about other friends, about my oxymoronic attitude (coz some said I was really bad and some said I was nice), and ETACOL EHT ELPPIN and SOH CAH TOA: Pray for us. Those were very popular for among us back in high school. I can't believe I forgot about them until that moment.

I guess much has happened within the two and a half college years. Most of my friends are still in the same school. That made me feel very close to them. Yet I sense there was something missing. I just realized that I only felt the physical closeness. When we meet along the school halls, we just exchange hi's or hello's. It makes me wonder why weren't we stopping and talking for a little while. Perhaps it's because we are too bothered by school duties and/or our own new worlds with new friends and new interests. But that is not an excuse for an old friendship to wane.

Or perhaps it's on my part to keep these old friendships warm. It was also mentioned in the letters that I was cold. Maybe I and my friends are still the same. Maybe it's just my cold, assuming heart that conjures this illusion of fading friendships... Yes I think it's just me. Stupid me.